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I am not adventurous when it comes to vacations. That’s the beauty of having a cottage to go to: no research for the best hotel at a reasonable price, no stress about missing a connection at the airport, no worry about finding a decent restaurant. I don’t need a map and I won’t get lost. I don’t have to plan and I don’t have to think. I just jump in the car and go.

This year is not that simple. This year I have done nothing but think and worry, plan and prepare.

The radio is filled with reports of beaches, bars, and parties filled with people ignoring the mask and physical distancing rules. They say people are tired of the restrictions. They want to get out and unwind. A newsperson sounded surprised when he reported that people stop worrying about social distancing while drinking. Science proves masks can help, yet people rally against it. Freedom of choice, they say. I scratch my head in bewilderment. How can people be so reckless? With the number of covid cases changing every day it makes it difficult to plan anything. Some days I wonder if I should even leave the house.

In a strange way, it’s like the novelty has worn off. At the beginning of this pandemic people were being so creative about how to redefine their daily lives, how to remain social, keep to routines, and find new ways to exercise. I was one of those people. I started off with a great plan. I was up and out of the house for a walk first thing in the morning. I considered this my commute to my new office, also known as my kitchen. I set my alarm to chime every hour to remind myself to get up and stretch. But this novelty has worn off and I’ve lost the motivation. The chimes are shut down, the morning walk is getting shorter, sitting in my chair is easy. It takes effort to remain positive. Its not an adventure anymore.

‘New normal,’ a standard phrase used by all, gave me a sense that we would go back to the way things were. I was in denial. I thought a few weeks maybe, then a few months. I was slow to accept this is our way of life, or rather our ‘new normal’ is just, normal.

Most days I remain pretty upbeat. Colourful masks dangle from the coat hooks at my front door. I pause to consider which one will best match my outfit. I know to disinfect my hands when going into a store and to watch for the arrows on the floor. But that is because I have frequented these places. I’ve learned the procedure. Each time I am presented with a new situation, I get nervous. I am worried I will do something wrong.

Choosing when to take my vacation was hard. My boss had to force me to pick a date, to make a decision. I was indecisive, stalling in hopes that a sudden cure would happen, or bans and restrictions would be lifted completely. I struggled with what to do. Should I stay home and be a tourist in my own city?  Is it fair or right for me to want to go to my cottage, driving through two provinces to get there? I wasn’t expecting to get approval for travel. I think in some ways I was hoping to be denied, the decision made for me.

Granted permission, I now prepare for my trip. Not the automatic get-in-the-car-don’t-have-to-think trip. This trip includes processing at the boarders, proof that self isolation will be adhered to, and submitting to a covid test on arrival. My mind is in overdrive, thinking of all the things that could go wrong while I drive. Will public washrooms be available? What happens if I break down on the highway? How many times will I be pulled over with an out of province licence plate? What happens if I am refused at the boarders? I’ve scoured the government websites for answers. I’ve sent numerous emails to gas stations asking if their washrooms are open. Then I really drive myself crazy wondering what I would do if my son were to get covid while I am away. Do I stay at the cottage, or come home to nurse him to health knowing I could be infected? The list is endless, and not all the questions can be answered.

I guess that is just life. The ‘new normal’, the normal, the ‘before’ and the after. Life is full of risks and we can’t prepare for everything. We won’t have all the answers. Scientists are learning things every day about the virus. Precautions, recommendations, and restrictions change. We need to stay informed and follow the guidelines. We need to accept that this is our way of life whether the novelty has worn off or not. We can travel, we can visit friends, we can do all the things we used to do, just in a slightly new way.

Although reluctant at first, I am excited. I am packed up and ready to head to the cottage. I’m feeling as optimistic as I can that things will go smoothly. I’m following the rules and taking precautions. Soon I will be sitting on the deck, hearing and smelling the beautiful ocean air. I know all of the worry and planning will be worth it because once I have been cleared, l also get to hug my daughter who lives on the island and I haven’t seen since ‘before’.

And something tells me that I will be coming home full of stories to share.

 Love,